I’ve lost my mojo…

Well, I had hoped to write this blog with an actual result at the end. However, that isn’t going to be the case. I know some of you have been following me, watching my journey and have probably noticed that things just aren’t quite the same. I feel like I need to be totally transparent here because I never want to be called a fake or have people think my intentions are misguided. I’ve lost my mojo. This is going to be a long post, so I hope you have some popcorn ready.

Let me just start with a general outline of the last couple of years of my life. I think that will give a good summary of how up and down things have been in my life.

2014…

Lost dad to cancer in December

2015…

Decide to build a house

Sold our old house

Changed jobs

2016…

Moved in with in-laws for 5 months

Went on a cruise

Moved into new house

Quit new job

Started working for myself

 

That’s the outline. Doesn’t look too bad, does it? It actually looks pretty awesome overall. A few bad things sprinkled in there, but overall pretty good. What that doesn’t tell you is the whole story.

I live in regret every day because I can never go back and spend more time with my dad. We didn’t talk for years and even when we started to talk again, it was so sporadic that it was mostly just on holidays. I thought I had more time. Don’t ever take the time you have for granted. You can’t ever get it back.

The building and selling of houses sounds great, except that we had been living on pins and needles to even get the new house. First, there was a lottery system for selecting who would be able to buy a lot in the plan because there were “so many people” interested in the plan. Mind you, there were plenty of available lots left once the lottery was over. Nice sales tactic, huh? Then, we were told the purchase of the new house was not contingent on selling the old house. That wasn’t the case. We had to put out new house up for sale and list it in 2 days to be able to sign the purchase agreement. We were lucky to accept an offer within 24 hours of listing it, but that ended up falling though. Three months of showings, open houses and loading Jordan and the dogs up every single time and we finally accepted another offer – much lower than what we really needed from the house. Add in changing a job when you are mostly commission and that totally screws up the new mortgage causing every single penny you make for the next couple of months to have to go toward a down payment on the new house in order to make it all happen. See, they had to calculate everything using less half of what I actually made.

That lead us to living with my in-laws for 5 months while the new place was being built so we could scrimp and save everything possible. I love my in-laws. They are fantastic and very loving, but living with that many people in one house was ROUGH. No one had their own space, ever. I know it was tough for them as well. We were all happy to have our own space when that time finally came to an end. During this time, we did have a little vacation. I had earned a free cruise through Beachbody. Joey and I ate and drank our way through the boat. I came home with a few souvenirs, including an extra 6 pounds.

Shortly after moving into our new house, my new job took a turn for the worse. I just couldn’t work for someone who cared so little about their employees. Not to mention the negative attitudes of every single employee working there. It was a rough environment and one that really brought me down. I suffered. My Beachbody business suffered. I knew I had to quit. Despite giving them a month’s notice, they still hadn’t hired someone to replace me. They asked if I would stay on to help them until they could find a replacement. I agreed on my terms. I was thrilled to be able to have a little extra income coming in while I really worked to build my business back up. You know, just for the buffer.

Working for yourself is stressful. It’s hard to find the right balance. I noticed that I started feeling tired all the time. Like so tired that it was hard to motivate myself to get off the couch to do get some work done or play with my son. Even when I did, it was like my mind wasn’t really there. I was off thinking about all the things I needed to get done.

While I was still working out and eating right, those 6 pounds from the cruise really never went away. In September, I gained another 6 pounds. Yep. In one month. How does someone who eats healthy and works out 6 days a week gain 6 pounds in a month?!?! And my periods?? Totally irregular and super heavy (sorry to any fellas out there reading this for that fact). I was also getting really hot. Like sweating so much that it was literally dripping down my back. I have never been one to sweat much.

I knew I needed to seek medical help. SOMETHING must be wrong with me. Something must be off.

I finally scheduled an appointment in early November. All of my symptoms lined up with hypothyroidism, which apparently can be brought on due to high stress. The doctor agreed and my thyroid even felt a little enlarged. Blood work and an ultrasound on my throat found NOTHING. I was sent to an endocrinologist. We did more blood work. NOTHING. And they have no idea what to do with me now. They say they can’t think of anything else.

Are you FUCKING kidding me? I am currently up 13 pounds from where I had been after having Jordan. They said “I know it has to be hard to be in the fitness industry and gain weight, but some bodies have a certain weight they like to settle at.” Uh, then why was I at 142 for 3 fucking years? That wasn’t due to a crash diet. It was consistent exercise and healthy eating. I wasn’t depriving myself. For Pete’s sake, you see how I post about tacos and beer.

So that’s where I am right now. Stuck. Without any answers and an additional 13 pounds. Which of course adds to the stress of everything else. Try as I might, I cannot get this weight to go away. Makes me feel like a failure as a coach. How can I coach someone else when I can’t figure out what is going on with myself?

Then I thought about it some more. As a coach, what would I tell someone else who was having this same issue? I would tell them that they need to change it up. That their body needs a change. That whatever they are doing isn’t working anymore for whatever reason. I am positive that the level of stress I have been experiencing in the last couple of years has affected me. Now, I just need to adjust and get myself back on track.

We were blessed to be given the chance to go on another Success Club trip with Beachbody. We are heading to Punta Cana in April. With that in mind, I created a game plan leading up to that to get myself back to the old me before then.

The Game Plan…

Starting January 2, I will complete The Ultimate Reset. This is a 21-day program that gently helps restore the body to its “factory settings” while improving energy and nutrient retention. The Ultimate Reset isn’t a crash diet or a processed-food meal replacement. It’s an integrated, whole-body reset solution—a step-by-step program that lets you have real food along with the specially formulated supplements that are included. For 21 days, I am going to focus on my diet and getting myself back to where I was. Since it is recommended to only do light exercise during this, I will do the 3 Week Yoga Retreat along with it. I want to keep moving during the 21 days and not get out of the habit of working out. I will still be teaching Insanity LIVE and Country Heat LIVE during these 3 weeks, but two days a week isn’t really enough for me mentally. Exercise is my stress relief.

I hope to have 2 things happen during these 21 days.

1. I hope to get down to a more manageable weight and FEEL BETTER.
2. I hope to gain some mental clarity and flexibility – that’s what yoga is supposed to do right?

I have done the Ultimate Reset once before, shortly after having Jordan. It was an interesting process. Lots of meal prep and cooking. I am hoping that I can get a plan in place so I can eliminate some of the time spent in the kitchen. I will tell you that the Ultimate Reset is pretty far out of my comfort zone because I generally don’t believe in super restrictive diets. I believe in moderation and being real. For any of you who know me personally, you know that I HATE yoga. Like, cannot stand how slow it is and how much my mind won’t stop running while doing it. Again, out of my comfort zone.

But I think that’s just what I need. I need to do something so different from my norm to reset myself. There isn’t a better time of year to do this than the New Year, which is all about restarting and refreshing.

After I finish the Ultimate Reset, I am planning to go back to Body Beast with the 21 Day Fix meal plan. It is my soul mate workout program. I achieved the best results I’ve ever had from that program and I know it will be just what I need to get me back to me.

That will put me one week out from the all-inclusive trip to Punta Cana. I will be ready. I will be feeling better. I will be comfortable in my own skin again. The beginning of this year is going to be able fixing myself. I’m going to focus on myself instead of everyone else. I am going to spend the time because I know that I will be a better mom, wife, daughter, friend and coach because of it.

If anyone is interested in joining me and working with me on this, I would love to have a buddy or two. The Ultimate Reset is going to be a trying time for me. I know this. I will get through it either way, but having friends who can commiserate makes it so much more fun. I will be documenting the Reset process right here on my blog too, so you can follow along with me cursing out Tempeh and other foods I don’t normally cook.

I wrote all of this because I know there are other people out there who can relate. Who feel the same way. Frustrated, tired, sick. Even as coaches, we go through rough times. I’m going to fix this. I’m determined to fix this. I hope you’ll come along for the journey.